Because her abusiveness is part of a lifelong campaign of control and because she is careful to rationalize her abuse, it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about her. She doesn't care about those people or the justice of your complaints.
You worked three jobs to pay for that cheap college and when you finally got mononucleosis she chirped at you that she was "so happy you could take care of yourself. They are completely oblivious to the needs of their children. She loves you very much and would do anything to make you happy, but she just doesn't know what to do. After her children move on with adult lives, the narcissist makes sure to keep each apprised of the doings of the others, passing on the most discreditable and juicy gossip as always, disguised as "concern" about the other children, again, in a way that engenders contempt rather than compassion.
She left you standing out in the cold until you were miserable, but not until you had hypothermia. If you tell her she cannot bring her friends to your party she will show up with them anyway, and she will have told them that they were invited so that you either have to give in, or be the bad guy to these poor dupes on your doorstep. She was, after all ONLY trying to help.
Remember, a narcissistic mother cannot tolerate view points that differ from her own, this includes the views of her children. She will belittle you in as many ways as she can think of. No one, stepmoms included, has to accept being the target of abuse. There is a reason this point did not make the list.
Source Characteristics of Children with Narcissistic Parents: You signed yourself up for the SATs, earned the money to pay for them and talked someone into driving you to the test site. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. She will be nasty to you about things that are peripherally connected with your successes so that you find your joy in what you've done is tarnished, without her ever saying anything directly about it.
She shoved you out of the nest as soon as she could. Shame keeps you second-guessing yourself.
Posted by: Kazikinos | on October 2, 2012
She's making you look like the bad guy for objecting to her cruelties. She uses fear to train you.
As a result, you're always afraid, always in the wrong, and can never exactly put your finger on why. She'll then make it clear that she didn't listen to a word you said. Unlike psychopaths, narcissists do understand right, wrong, and consequences, so they are not ordinarily criminal.
When she's reduced with unavoidable men for her own bad for, with your spite, she will mean into a raucous puddle of expedient helplessness. Her boyfriend dumped you, but she can schedule - after all, she herself has started how wilful you are to similar. mthers
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